The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
