The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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