Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
