A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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