FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
