Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Its about making memories worth repressing
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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