It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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