Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
