it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm like, not good at living.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
