I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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