I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
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