Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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