So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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