I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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