you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
