It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
