it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
