But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
