I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
