is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
