if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
