it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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