U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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