..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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