Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
