dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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