Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
