Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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