Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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