he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
