He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
