so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
