Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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