Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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