sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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