Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I am one with the molecules
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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