May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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