we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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