so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
