i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
