M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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