I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
