she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
