it was like eating out sand paper
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
