I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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