i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
