Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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