On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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