the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
