worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
