My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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